When Your Inner Leader Takes a Face Plant: A Confidence Survival Guide

Ever had one of those days where your confidence vanishes faster than a chocolate biscuit at a team meeting?  

Maybe you've stepped into a leadership role feeling like an imposter and a fraud, wondering why the heck they hired you. Or that pesky inner voice whispers, "Who do you think you are?" and suddenly, your brilliant idea feels like a kindergarten art project.

The confidence rollercoaster - welcome to the club

If any of these sound familiar to you, fear not. It’s a pretty common recurring theme I hear coming up with my For Purpose Leadership clients that I coach too.

One minute you're a purpose-driven superhero, the next you're questioning your entire career path.

The good news? This can change with just a few strategic tweaks.

Now, let's get real about those "I'm totally a fraud" moments like:

• That email you obsessed over for hours, only to spot a typo AFTER hitting send

• The magical moment your brain goes completely blank when someone asks about your experience

•  That meeting where your voice decides to do an unexpected squeak

Why confidence goes splat

There are some common reasons why our confidence takes a nose dive. Here are three I see often:

Perfectionism Paralysis

• Unrealistic standards

• Constant self-criticism

• Fear of imperfection

Imposter Syndrome Spiral

• Questioning your leadership skills

• Comparing yourself to others

• Avoiding opportunities due to self-doubt

Overwhelm and Energy Drain

• Juggling responsibilities reactively

• Feeling perpetually behind

• Taking lack of progress personally

Your emergency confidence rebuild kit

Ok, how do you start to fix some of these symptoms? Here are some proven ways to rebuild after these faceplants so you can jump back up and keep going. 

#1 Build an "I'm Actually Awesome" file

You are awesome, and you need to collect evidence that reaffirms this! Each time you get a glowing email, verbal feedback, or mention in the media, SCREENSHOT IT, note it down and create a brag folder bursting at the seams that makes you smile and feel great. 

Then every time you feel like your confidence is nose-diving, look at your “I’m actually awesome file!” The power of celebrating victories, big and small, can’t be ignored. All these small things give you a mega boost and reminder that you are on the right track - one small step at a time!

#2 Reframe that inner narrative

That nasty Nancy in your head is often holding you back. Recognising self-doubt is a totally normal part of the leadership experience. When they pop up, challenge the negative thoughts with evidence of past successes (for example, this is when you need to go and look at #1 - your “I’m actually awesome” folder above!)

Remember: Your inner critic is just trying to protect you (but 99% of the time, it just needs to chill). Remind yourself you are smart and intelligent and can figure this out.

#3 The reality check squad

There is nothing like finding your cheerleaders. Connect with fellow purpose-driven humans. Every time you need someone to vent to or get support and ideas from, go to your squad. 

They say you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If none of your top 5 are also leaders facing the same or similar challenges as you, you might want to think about how you can build that leadership squad to support you. Getting a coach might be a good idea. (I’m off on maternity leave at the moment, but please do add your name to my waitlist for when I come back!). Or look for a mentor - a fellow leader who's been there and done that can be a great support.

#4 The bounce-back plan

When confidence takes a nose-dive, allow yourself a moment of "this is terrible", but don’t wallow there. Do what you need to switch your energy around. Maybe that’s blasting your power song and dancing it out. Focus on times when you have absolutely crushed it and take action before your brain talks you out of it.

#5 Keep it real

And remember, even the most confident leaders sometimes:

• Practice power poses in the bathroom (not sure what I mean, check out this TED talk by Amy Cuddy!)

• Google "how to sound smart in meetings"

• Worry they're not "leader-y" enough

Remember, confidence is a muscle!

Confidence is like a muscle: the more you work it, the stronger it gets. You can’t expect a six-pack after one sit-up. So stick with it. Flex that confidence muscle daily, and you’ll be surprised at the progress over time. 

Remember, you're not just leading - you're creating positive change in the world. And sometimes that means feeling wobbly, but doing it anyway. Your growth often happens outside your comfort zone. So go and find things that are on that edge that gives you the wobbles, where it feels a bit uncomfy and then commit to giving it a go. I promise it will get easier each and every time, and so too will your confidence.