Throwing in the Towel
Many people said it was a brave thing to do, though I didn’t necessarily feel that way. Nanna said ‘congratulations on throwing the towel in.’ As a languages person, this made me wonder whether the saying originated from the actions of a disgruntled medieval kitchen hand of some description, walking out on washing up mountains of golden chalices with remnants of sticky mead. In any case, I had no doubt in head and heart that leaving my job was the right thing to do for me.
Now, after an initial month off, I find myself in the weeks of the aftermath. That strange place of job hunting land. Why do I know the latest development of the Natalia Kills saga? Why does it feel like an effort to get out of bed, (or get out of trackpants)? Why do I stare blindly at the pantry and fridge when not really hungry in between bursts on various job hunting search engines? Yesterday I was especially proud of the pita bread pizzas I made out of remaining ingredients in said fridge and pantry (tinned tomatoes, avocado, corn, grated cheese and salt and pepper). Hmmm who have I become? A jobseeker!
Last weekend I was reluctant to go to a friend’s house party. I thought: what will I say if someone asks me what I do and I have to say nothing? Actually no one even asked and the party was great!
Friends are always upbeat and positive about my current situation. They tell me I look relaxed and they are really excited about the opportunities and possibilities before me. Sometimes I feel that way, too.
It’s amazing what happens when you let your daily mainstay go. I’ve found myself reviewing what my values are and what I want in life; who I am aside from the identity my job gave me. I’ve been writing poems and thinking about the things I have to be grateful for.
To be honest, I thought that after a break some magical voice would call to me telling me what it is I want to do job-wise, but it hasn’t really, so I’m just putting a lot of applications out there and seeing what comes back to me.
As my mum pointed out, in the future, I may just see this period as a bit of a blip between jobs. For now though, I’m just trying to live in the moment, not freak out. My friends and family really help me see the silver linings. All in all I’m enjoying this peculiar period to do (low-cost) activities, spend time with friends, and enjoy (kind of weird, on reflection) delightful remaining ingredients lunchtime pizzas.